WHAT?
by Lastelle
Summary: This is what happens when Spike and Angel talk about their work in the Cheesecake Factory. Kind of showcases the whole people see and hear what they want to thing. Please read! Complete!
1. Penny Doesn't Understand

Here's what happens when Spike and Angel talk about their work in a restaurant. Everyone hears wrong.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Big Bang Theory, however much I wish I did.

* * *

**Penny POV**

Penny walked over to the table Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and the ever silent Raj normally sat at. But today was Friday. That meant Chinese food and vintage video games. Was it really sad that she had memorized their schedule?

Siting at the table for four were two guys. One was blond, but it looked like he naturally had brown hair, mainly because his hair was just way _too_ blond, and also because he had brown eyebrows. The other had black hair and was wearing all black, sort of a Neo thing going on. Oh, no! Now she was making Matrix references in her head. The blond one was saying something, which she heard as she walked over.

"I don't bloody well give a damn that it's got away!" the blond one was saying, he was obviously British, "If Bunny finds out that it grabbed Dawn, she's gonna dust us both."

Penny was confused now. A bunny was gonna take a feather duster to them and this British guy (who had the whole bad-boy thing going for him, not that the other guy didn't, but the British guy carried it off better) was getting freaked out about it?

"Look, Spike," the black haired one said, "It's not my fault it grabbed Dawn, remember? I'm not the one who tried to go at it with a _snake_."

Now they were doing an Indiana Jones thing? Penny was about to just skip their table and go to her next table, when Spike (she figured that was what he was called) said, "Right, because you're _Angel_. You help the helpless. Get a new routine."

Angel (if that was his name) glared at Spike and lowered his voice, and Penny was out of range. She checked the clock. Her break wasn't for another hour. She doubted she could avoid taking their order for an hour. Maybe she could bribe Bernadette into doing it.

* * *

**Spike/Angel POV**

Spike glared at Angel, "I don't bloody well give a damn that it's got eight legs!" he practically yelled, he lowered his voice so the blond waitress walking towards them wouldn't hear anything strange, "If Buffy finds out that it grabbed Dawn, she's gonna dust us both."

Angel sighed, "Look, Spike," he said, trying for patient, but failing miserably, "It's not my fault it grabbed Dawn, remember? I'm not the one who tried to attack it with a _stake_," he still couldn't understand why Spike had gone after a giant spider with a stake.

"Right," Spike said, elongating the 'i' a bit, "Because you're _Angel_. You help the helpless," he was in full mock mode, but stopped himself before he started on a long rant, "Get a new routine."

Angel glared at Spike, and glanced at the waitress, who had heard what they had been saying and was just walking away. Angel lowered his voice, "Don't talk so loud. Do you want everyone in the Cheesecake Factory to know we're hunting a giant spider?"

"Who's idea was it anyway to meet in the _Cheesecake Factory_," Spike demanded, before remembering it was Dawn's, "Right," he paused, "Let's just figure out how to get the little bit back before the Slayer notices she's gone."

* * *

Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading, unless you just skipped to the bottom, in which case the statement does not apply (please actually read my fanfiction, it's a short one-shot, it won't take long). Please, please, please, please (I can do this forever), reveiw. I need input on my fanfiction-writing skills. Like if they exhist.


	2. More Confusion

Here's chapter 2 because I have too much time on my hands.

Thanks to **lilykep** for reviewing. I tried to add a few more incorrect connections. If I end up with lots of time sometime soon (probably gonna happen) I'll write Penny telling the guys about her encounters with the Scoobies.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Still wish I did.

* * *

Penny was bored out of her mind as she looked around the Cheesecake Factory. It was Friday and her boyfriend (who she'd much rather be spending time with than working, but that was her shift) was eating Chinese food while trying to play Super Mario on a Nintendo 64. Was her life just a little too boring?

At the middle table, two men and a teenage girl were sitting. She recognized the men who had been there two Fridays ago, but the girl was new. She had long, strait brown hair and was wearing the kind of outfit that Penny would have died to have owned back in high school. It looked grown-up, but still looked like it could be worn to school, to the mall or to the Cheesecake Factory.

"Look, Betty," the blond man said. The last time he had been there, Penny had figured out that his name was Spike. Probably a nick-name, but the other man's name wasn't any more normal, Angel. Spike continued talking to the girl, "It's not a problem if you want to catch a nap when the Mayor's around, but I need you to bloody be careful."

"Not helping, Spike," Angel hissed at him, "What Spike means to say is, Bunny wouldn't want anything to hop on you."

This bunny again? What was with them? A bunny that didn't like hopping? Penny sighed and walked past them, going to another table with their drinks. As she took that table's order, she couldn't help but hear the strange conversation taking place almost right next to her.

"Guys, I don't need the How-to-Guide," the girl, Betty sighed, "I know the deal. This type of thing hasn't happened in, what, a month?"

"Right, if you don't count the bleeding binder!" Spike exclaimed, "Or that chaos cleanin' last week."

They had organizational problems? These people were insane. Penny looked around, she couldn't hold off going to that table much longer.

"Oh, come on," Betty rolled her eyes, "That guy was like Clem. Only way more of a loser."

Penny walked up to the table and said, "Hi, my name is Penny and I'll be your server for today. Can I get you some drinks to start?"

"Uh, Coke for me," Betty said.

"Same," Spike said and Angel got the same.

"Okay, that it or are you ready to order?" Penny asked. She had let them stay there for a while, so maybe they were ready.

"Not yet," Angel said, but Spike interrupted him, "Actually, you got any of those onion blossom things?"

Spike rolled his eyes at Dawn, "Look, Bit, it's not a problem if you want to get kidnapped when the Slayer's around, but I need you to bloody be careful."

Angel noticed the same waitress as last time eyeing them strangely. He didn't mention it, "Not helping, Spike," he hissed at the other vampire, then to Dawn, "What Spike means to say is, Buffy wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

Dawn sighed, "Guys, I don't need the How-to-Guide," she said, obviously trying not to roll her eyes, "I know the drill. This type of thing hasn't happened in, what, a month?"

Spike nearly exploded, "Right," he exclaimed, "If you don't count the bleeding spider! Or that Chaos Demon last week."

Dawn lost the battle and rolled her eyes at Spike, "Oh, come on. That guy was like Clem. Only way more of a loser."

The waitress Angel had noticed earlier came up to their table and introduced herself, "Hi, my name is Penny and I'll be your server for today. Can I get you some drinks to start?"

"Uh, Coke for me," Dawn said. Both Spike and Angel got the same.

"Okay," Penny said, writing on a notepad, "That it or are you ready to order?"

"Not yet," Angel said.

"Actually," Spike interrupted, "Do you have any of those onion blossom things?"

Dawn could have died laughing from the look on Penny's face. Nobody really expected William the Bloody to start talking about onion blossoms, but somehow when talking about food with Spike, they always seemed to come up.

* * *

HAD to add the part with the onion blossoms. Hope you liked it. Thanks to the one person who reviewed. If you like this, review. It's not that hard. There's a little button right under this Author's Note. Press it! please.


	3. Nobody Understands

Here's the third and final chapter! Hope you've all liked it so far! Sorry it took so long to get up, I was having internet problems (stupid internet!) :P May the confusion and mayhem continue!

* * *

"I got Thai food!" Penny announced as she walked into the apartment across the hall from hers.

"Great!" Leonard exclaimed. Penny sat down in the chair next to the couch and started pulling food out of the bag. When she got to Sheldon's food he demanded, "Did you get brown rice, not white?"

"Yes."

"Did you stop at the grocery store and get the good hot mustard?"

"Yes."

"Did you ask for the lettuce to be diced not shredded?"

"Yes."

"Even though the menu specifically says shredded?"

"Yes."

"Good," Sheldon said, satisfied that his food was perfect. He looked into the container to find that it was diced, just as he had asked. Sheldon turned to Leonard, "See, Leonard, _that's_ how it's done."

When the food was all handed out, Leonard asked Penny, "So how was your day?"

"Well, they moved my shift around so I'll be working the lunch shift more in stead of the dinner shift," Penny said, "And the strangest group of people came in. They kept talking about this 'bunny' and one of them said how they didn't want the bunny to take a feather duster to them," everyone looked stunned, "Well _I_ didn't say it!" Penny told them.

"What else?" Howard asked.

"Uh, well, one of them said something about a binder causing chaos," Penny tried to remember, "And he also said that the Mayor didn't like people catching naps without him. Or something like that."

"Weird," Leonard agreed.

"Yeah, and they had the strangest names," Penny said, "Spike and Angel. And they had a girl with them who's name was Betty."

Raj whispered something to Howard, who repeated it, "Yeah, how do you know all this?"

"Come on," Penny said, "You honestly think I don't hear what people are saying when I walk past them? Believe me, it gets _really_ boring after a few hours and it's not like people try and keep quiet or anything."

Sheldon looked at them like they'd all grown extra heads, "Are you all honestly having a conversation - with the exception of Raj - about crazy people?"

"Well you make us talk about _you_," Leonard replied.

* * *

"Remember that restaurant we went to?" Angel asked Spike and Dawn.

"Yeah," Dawn said, "I liked the cheesecake."

"Well I don't think we should go there again," Angel told them about the waitress, Penny, who he thought had heard what they had said.

"Well she probably heard wrong anyway," Dawn said, "I mean, isn't that what normally happens?"

"Yeah," Spike said, "It's not a problem. The problem is what's gonna happen when the Slayer finds out about your little walk yesterday, Dawn."

"Aw, come on," Dawn whined, "You don't have to tell Buffy about _that_ do you?"

* * *

Thus concludes 'WHAT?' Hope everyone liked it!

_Lastelle_


End file.
